Remembering a loved one
When an important person in your life isn’t able to attend your wedding, it can be hard. Whether it’s because they have died or are unable to travel to your wedding, you may be considering ways to acknowledge them. If so, what is the best way to do so, and how?
To Acknowledge or Not?
This is something that only you can decide. In my experience, acknowledging a person who is notably absent can address the elephant in the room.
I conducted a wedding where the brother of the groom had passed only recently. The groom wanted his absence acknowledged in the ceremony. So I said ‘Dave, has asked me to acknowledge his little brother, James, who I’m sure is in many of your thoughts today. Although James is not here, it does feel like he’s looking on, and probably having a bit of a laugh seeing Dave all suited and nervous. Although his absence is felt deeply, think of him with a smile. Imagine him taking full advantage of the free bar and throwing a shape or two on the dance floor later on.’
After the ceremony, the groom’s parents came and spoke to me. They explained that they were so grateful that James had been acknowledged. They had been worried that the whole day would go by without him being mentioned.
At another ceremony, the bride’s grandmother was too poorly to travel. The relationship between the two of them was very close. She explained to me that her grandmother had had a dream where the bride had married in olive green which was her grandmother’s favourite colour. I suggested that I wore one of my frocks which was in this colour and she loved this idea. During the ceremony I explained I was wearing this specifically in honour of her Grandmother. After the ceremony the bride sent her grandmother an extract of the ceremony where this was mentioned.
However, acknowledging someone with words may feel too upsetting, and there are other, less explicit, ways of doing so.
Whether you have a photo of your loved one somewhere near the ceremonial area or chose to carry a photo in your bouquet or pinned to your jacket, having a photographic reminder can be a wonderful way of feeling as if they are close by you throughout the day.
Their Favourite things
A sensitive, yet fun inclusion could be serving your loved ones favourite drink or food, or making something from one of their recipes. Alternatively, you could have one of their favourite songs played or, if the lyrics work, read by a friend or family member during the ceremony.
Whether it’s a fragment of your loved one’s wedding dress, his favourite tie, a hand-written note, their names embroidered into your dress, or a piece of jewelry or cuff-links worn, this can be a subtle, yet memorable way of including them in your day.
I also love this idea of creating a kilt pin with specific items and wearing this somewhere on your dress or suit.
To see how to make these, check out Something Turquoise.
If rituals are more your thing, there’s numerous ways to acknowledge a loved one which include:
- Lighting a candle
- Placing a flower which has significance in a vase near the signing table upon entering the ceremonial area
- Using materials from a wedding dress or other symbolic piece of clothing in a handfasting
A place to Sit
You may want to leave a seat for your loved one, either within the ceremony area, or in a more discrete area. This could be under a tree with one of their favourite flowers or a bottle of their drink so people can go and have a private moment and remember them.
Sadly my husband’s brother passed away only nine months before our wedding. His absence was on all our minds in the lead up to the wedding and on the day itself. However, we had a very happy day. It was the first time many people who had been at his funeral were together again. Although there were tears, there was much celebration of him and of us.